Grief and gratitude; Fire and water
Written by:
Hayriya Heidi A. Hansen
Gratitude and grief, life and death, white and black, the yin and the yang of this existence—daily, we move through emotions and feelings. In our lives, we have ample opportunities to be curious, to acknowledge, process, and resolve these conscious and unconscious sensations. We also have abundant chances to numb, deaden, ghost, and avoid the depth of our beings. How do you choose to respond or react?
Psychologists generally agree on five core emotions—joy, sadness, anger, fear, and disgust—which are caused by chemicals in our brains releasing a quick, often as little as a six-second, psychological reaction to stimuli. In contrast, feelings are subjective and conscious. Around 135 words can express our feelings, which are slower to develop and much longer-lasting than the five main emotions.
Both emotions and feelings are amplified during a medical or life-altering crisis. The effects can linger for days, weeks, months, and even years, resulting in a feeling of being stuck. Persistent grief, sadness, or anger, lack of motivation, trouble sleeping, and an inability to concentrate are some signs of unresolved grief. Sometimes the best action is to seek help, whether from a personal counselor or by joining a grief group. The Southern Oregon Living and Dying Alliance (SOLADA) can support you in finding a grief group; there are many in our region. While staying stuck is an option, the intense, persistent sadness can impair your health, dissolve friendships, and threaten family relations. Seeking support can help you join the living once again. After all, you are still alive; one day, your own death will come. So be here now!
Some people need deeper one-on-one assistance. Others, feeling the lasting effects of the death of a loved one or perhaps contemplating their own death, or who are just curious about any aspect related to dying, might appreciate talking openly with others who are willing to discuss the taboo subject of death. Those folks are encouraged to attend one of SOLADA's five monthly death cafes offered throughout Jackson and Josephine Counties. Again, death cafes are not designed as bereavement or therapy sessions. They increase awareness of death in a supportive, nonjudgmental environment to help people make the most of their finite lives. Reducing fear by normalizing the conversation around death opens the space for sharing fears, stories, and questions. Please join one of our monthly offerings in Grants Pass, Williams, Ruch, Medford, or Ashland. Visit solada.org for more specific information.
The Southern Oregon Living and Dying Alliance was pleased to serve more than 120 local folks at our four-month-long Community Death Care Workshop series, which was offered in three southern Oregon locations. Participants were appreciative of the program (“Wonderful program, superior information”; “Excellent; clear and complete”; “Loved all the info; Presenters were excellent, compassionate and articulate”; “Questions answered in a timely and respectful manner”...). And all were grateful for the amazing collaborators who came forward. SOLADA offers many thanks to Senior Advocate Solutions, The Forest Conservation Burial Ground, Bristol Hospice, Cascades of Grants Pass, End-of-Life Choices Oregon, Hull and Hull FunFeral Directors, and Litwiller-Simonsen Funeral Home for sharing information and expertise about their work in our communities. Also, big thanks to the venues that allowed us to host our events at their facilities: Peace House in Ashland, Center for Spiritual Living in Grants Pass, and Pacifica, A Garden in the Siskiyous, in Williams.
Grief and gratitude, like fire and water, are the themes in this June publication. They are part of our lives, embedded in our bones. The Southern Oregon Living and Dying Alliance will continue with our mission to promote positive death literacy in word and action. We believe that by consciously living (and consciously dying), we can increase our capacity to serve and care for each other and for our planet. In this way, witnessing each other and our planet more fully, we allow the feelings and emotions of grief and gratitude to move. Not being stuck, we are more fully alive and present.
We look forward to seeing each of you at one of our events.
Wishing you and yours all the richness of this precious life.
Hayriya Heidi A. Hansen
(541) 787-7490